"Do not marry a Canaanite girl."
This was Jacob's one command from his father Isaac regarding finding a wife for himself. (Genesis 28:1) Jacob heeded his father's words and instead sought a wife for himself among his uncle Laban's daughters. (Apparently, pickings were pretty slim back then and options were limited to Canaanites and cousins.)
Welcome to the beginning of one of the most peculiar, and perhaps most toxic, love stories of the Old Testament — or, at the very least, the book of Genesis. Read on to find out more about Jacob's wives and what you can learn from them.
If you aren't already familiar with the general outline of the story, it goes like this:
Jacob journeys to visit his mother's relatives in the eastern country and ends up falling in love with his beautiful cousin, Rachel. The Bible tells us in Genesis 29:11-12, "Jacob kissed Rachel and then wept loudly. He told Rachel that he was her father's relative, Rebekah's son. She ran and told her father." An understandable reaction.
Laban, however, isn't alarmed in the slightest and welcomes Jacob with open arms. (verse 13) The two strike a deal that Jacob will work for Laban for 7 years and, when this time is fulfilled, Rachel will be given to Jacob to take as his wife. According to verse 19, Laban's exact words were, "Better that I give her to you than to some other man."
Enter Leah: Rachel's older sister and Laban's eldest daughter. While poor Leah had tender eyes, she was nowhere near as shapely and alluringly attractive as Rachel (verse 17), which was cause of great concern to Laban. Finding a husband for Rachel was easy; what about Leah??
Jacob serves his full 7 years and demands his promised payment. Verse 20 tells us the 7 years "seemed like only a few days" to Jacob because of the love he had for Rachel. Laban deceived Jacob by giving him Leah instead and then coercing him into another 7 years of indentured servitude to be given Rachel.
It isn't quite happily ever after, though; with both sisters married to Jacob, they grow fiercely competitive of one another, and their interactions grow more and more vicious and petty. Resentment builds between the sisters — Leah is envious of how Jacob dotes upon Rachel and showers her with affection; Rachel is jealous of Leah's ability to bear Jacob more children. (In these days, a woman's societal worth was often determined by her fertility for her husband.)
Now, here's the unexpected twist ending to this love story: in chapter 35, Rachel dies in labor while birthing Benjamin and is buried just outside of Bethlehem. Years later, when Leah dies, Jacob himself buries her on the family burial property alongside his parents and grandparents (Isaac, Rebekah, Abraham and Sarah). He requests to be buried there as well with his very last breath, alongside Leah, who lived her entire life believing Jacob loved Rachel far more than he would ever love her.
The Rachel-Jacob-Leah love triangle can be pretty overwhelming to take in all at once, even if you have read it before and are fairly familiar with it. However, there are lessons that can be learned from it.
The line "do not stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time" appears three times throughout the Song of Solomon. (2:7; 3:5; 8:4) Leah's entrance into Jacob's life is an undeniably perfect illustration of this concept. Because Jacob never wanted Leah in the first place, Leah spent the remainder of her life feeling inferior and unloved compared to her sister Rachel.
Any form of intimate relationship you have with somebody should never feel rushed, contrived or predetermined. Love between two people must be allowed to blossom and flourish at its own pace and in its own time.
This is not only seen in the example of Leah and Rachel, but also in that of their children; the brothers were so exceedingly envious of Joseph's relationship with their father Jacob that they sold him to slave traders on their way to Egypt!
Jealousy truly can tear families apart. In fact, it tore their family apart — for years, Jacob thought his beautiful boy Joseph had perished, only to finally reunite with him in Egypt in his final years. When it comes to jealousy, remember that the grass always seems greener on the other side until you get over there.
While this may seem like an obvious lesson to take away from this story, it's actually significantly relevant to older adults residing in assisted living communities such as Bethesda Gardens Loveland who may be distanced from their families. Harboring feelings of jealousy or resentment towards relatives can impact your spiritual, mental and even physical health. It's important to remember that God has commanded us to love and forgive one another as he has loved and forgiven us.
